tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60470480425624514962024-03-05T22:32:33.792-05:00The Bee's KneesBattles, trials and tribulations of everyday life... and otherwise.Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16798075377082932012noreply@blogger.comBlogger119125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-20663822335840127682012-10-08T14:10:00.002-04:002012-10-08T14:44:22.151-04:00Thanksgiving<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Happy Thanksgiving,
Canada!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Recently,
I've gotten some new readers from all over the world. I can't thank all of you
enough in Egypt and the Middle East for the huge outpouring of support.
Egypt is DEFINITELY on the travel list. I’m curious: where did you hear
about our story? <a href="http://www.facebook.com/ForTheLoveOfMeghan"><span style="color: blue; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Make sure you like
the facebook page</span></a> if you haven't already and sign up
for the email subscription.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Which brings
me to my next point: I’m overdue on providing on an update on my plans. I'm
still working towards my education <a href="http://ms-mae.blogspot.com/p/goals.html"><span style="color: #103cc0;">goal</span></a>,
but it's going to take years to complete. I'm really excited (having just taken
the GRE,) to start applying to graduate programs and get the ball rolling.
Meghan always loved school. She and her mom often told me, how, in high school,
Meghan would get home from class in the afternoon and park herself at the
dining room table until bedtime. Doing endless hours of homework in order
to do well in high school and get in to a good university of her choice.
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I wish I had
a similar experience in high school. I was lazy. I fought against any kind of
work. I argued with my parents until they threatened to take away my prized
stereo (every angsty teenager's refuge in high school). Determined to
prove that homework didn't matter, I didn't cave, and my parents took the
stereo away! The point is, early on in her life, Meghan saw the value of
working hard for something without an immediate payoff. I knew that I wouldn't
get in trouble the next day at school if I didn't do my homework, so I didn't
do it. I didn't see that developing a strong work ethic and an ability to do
things well, even if you find them useless or tedious, will pay off much later.
Now, I realize that the sense of accomplishment you receive from achieving a
long-term goal gives you confidence; confidence to try something further from
your comfort zone, but with a bigger payoff. That’s why Meghan worked so hard
when she was alive, and why I work hard now.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">In the past
two and a half years I have done ten things on Meghan's list that I never would
have previously dreamed of, and some additional goals of my own. After college,
I NEVER wanted to go back to school. I didn't want to do the work, so after the
first degree, I checked that box on the “list of things you're supposed to do”
and moved on. But I learned something along the way, especially through my
travels. I love learning about human communication. And I want to
learn more. Through exploring Meghan's PhD goal, I figured out what I want to
study. I've worked for and received a second bachelor's degree in Linguistics
in two semesters (my first bachelor’s degree took more than five years).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">As for the
half-marathon, I walked (I would've run, but I hated running,) quickly in the
opposite direction any time anyone mentioned running. Meghan always wanted to
complete a half marathon and often made me go running with her at her family’s
cottage every summer. So, it was really meaningful for me to tackle this goal
right away. But as I’m learning with the road to PhD, training for a race is
about consistently showing up, day after day, month after month. I trained
throughout spring 2011 in order to run the 13.1 miles on Meghan’s birthday
(July) at her family's cottage. Let me tell you, 13.1 miles (21.1 km for
everyone else in the world that uses a logical counting system) is a long way
to go by foot. But I did it. And I didn't stop. Now, I love running; I love the
high I get from finishing a run, the clarity that comes on a long run, and I
love how my body feels traveling long distances without any help. After
Meghan's half marathon I went on to run a full marathon (26.2 miles/ 42.2km) in
October 2011. For myself. It remains one of the best things I’ve ever done.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I am still working hard for Meghan's goals but also
working hard for my own. One of mine is to stay ahead of my age in countries
visited: I'm 31 and currently at 32 countries, with another planned for the end
of the year. As I go about achieving Meghan’s goals, I definitely insert things
I want to do, things I care about. Meghan would want me to pursue my interests.
The point is to keep working hard. Don't seek immediate payoff, but when the payoff
does come, aim higher and start all over again.</span></span></div>
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Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-33101460250758357382012-09-06T14:13:00.000-04:002012-09-06T14:13:07.057-04:00reading<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://lifehacker.com/5941009/what-can-i-say-thats-actually-helpful-in-times-of-grief">this</a> is a really great article about what to say or not to say in times of grief. </div>
Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-8835863888085937632012-08-23T19:14:00.000-04:002012-08-23T19:14:56.718-04:00Blog Published<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Hey everyone, this is kind of cool. The blog is now published on kindle through amazon. check it out: <span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">http://amzn.com/B008VSLQD8</span></div>
Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com0Washington, DC 20003, USA38.8831372 -76.990227638.8584162 -77.0297096 38.9078582 -76.950745599999991tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-78216086690160135752012-08-10T11:29:00.000-04:002012-08-10T11:31:01.103-04:00Follow up: For the Love of Meghan<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This is awesome! I had a lot of fun talking with Sara, check it out and follow her blog.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://slbarto.blogspot.com/2012/08/follow-up-for-love-of-meghan.html?spref=bl">That Girl...tales from the edge: Follow up: For the Love of Meghan</a>:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbxPYAqe2ZRxzxeCGZHI3ZiiMeBEwuPP8k0eG-Q3yM8jWywl6x4ve2tftxrE4pt-nFN4P00J_vS-MRDABSyRiGHXvo-juiDYR41hpGl-iiKh-C9l7yxthrwkSpzUDfqlXaweXToHAVyNc/s1600/adam.meghan.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #7c1750; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbxPYAqe2ZRxzxeCGZHI3ZiiMeBEwuPP8k0eG-Q3yM8jWywl6x4ve2tftxrE4pt-nFN4P00J_vS-MRDABSyRiGHXvo-juiDYR41hpGl-iiKh-C9l7yxthrwkSpzUDfqlXaweXToHAVyNc/s200/adam.meghan.JPG" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.199219) 0px 0px 0px; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid rgb(203, 203, 203); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.199219) 0px 0px 0px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" width="150" /></a></div>
It was the part of the story we all know and love...the moment where the protagonist reaches out his hand...the girl grabs onto it...they walk away from the camera...skip...ride horseback into the sunset...but this wasn't a romantic comedy...it wasn't a fairytale. this...was...real...</div>
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I first "met" Adam via a news story. The reporter told of a young woman who was diagnosed with cancer at 27...Meghan. Meghan kept a list of goals...NOT a bucket list because "no one was dying"...things she wanted to accomplish in her life. And some of these items she was able to cross off her list...but not all. She left behind a sizable list of items she would never be able to accomplish...</div>
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Enter Adam...Meghan's husband...Adam was by Meghan's side as she fought the beast called cancer. Meghan tried to engage Adam in conversations about "what if"...Adam wanted nothing to do with it. He wasn't thinking what if because he refused to even consider the possibility...he was determined Meghan would be there....they would build their lives together...he would be by her side as she crossed those items off her list...but then reality slammed through the door. And Adam was alone...with his grief...and Meghan's list.</div>
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Adam was compelled...as a tribute to his beautiful wife, Adam stepped in where Meghan left off. Adam found it incredibly unjust Meghan, so full of life, was gone...her list abandoned...Adam decided he would work on her list...accomplishing her goals because she would not be able.<br />
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After watching the news story, I wanted to know more about Adam. I was unsure why but he intrigued me. Perhaps, I was more curious about where he was at with this journey when I realized it has been two years since the story first ran. So, I started reading his posts on <a href="http://ms-mae.blogspot.com/" style="color: #7c1750; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Meghan's blog</a>. Some were just photos, some were a couple lines. And then, there was a post that took my breath away. Adam talked about grief...his grief...and the only way through it is to allow grief space...and to keep moving forward...and to be willing to accept help. Adam mentions how easy it is to shut yourself off from everyone and everything around you...to become engulfed...and the need to step outside of your comfort zone to find whatever it is that will help you continue moving forward. For Adam, it meant facing his preconceptions and being willing to seek out a therapist. The therapist was able to help Adam hold a mirror up to himself, to deal with the guilt of Meghan's death, to find himself and learn to trust himself. I commented on this post...I truly connected to Adam and what he was describing, the choices he was making...and Adam wrote back.<br />
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Adam and I started emailing back and forth...one of the questions I wondered about was where Adam was in all of this...it is Meghan's list he is working to complete...so where does Adam fit in? When Adam started working on the goals, he wanted to honor Meghan by completing her list and perhaps keep her spirit alive...to feel her presence even though she was gone...a way to learn even more about Meghan as he sought to understand why these goals were important to her, what she was trying to learn by accomplishing them. As Adam journeyed to far away places, he felt Meghan...he envisioned how she would feel if she were with him, what her reactions would be. And, over time, Adam started to see...he realized why these goals were so important to Meghan...he felt the challenge of stepping into new cultures, completely foreign to him...he saw the personal growth that comes with learning to commit to a task...working hard towards accomplishing a goal...sometimes, tasting failure...but to just keep going. The focus and purpose of the list, mixed with the sense of living life to its fullest...and Adam realized this list was truly becoming his own.<br />
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In talking with Adam, it is seemingly impossible not to like him. He is a man on a mission to live life...to accomplish some hefty goals...and, yet, he has a more subtle message as well. Meghan is at the forefront of everything he is striving to do...as he graduates with his bachelor's in Linguistics and makes plans to start working on his Masters (a PhD as the end goal)...as he plans to skate the Rideau Canal...a trip to Ireland...and as I read the early posts, the other articles, watch the other news stories, I learn about who Meghan was...a young girl who was loving life and had her world turned upside down by cancer. Yet, instead of hiding away, she put herself out into the world...to help others...to teach others...she shared her treatments, her ups and downs, photos of her surgeries, shaving her head...and, in many of the photos, many of the stories, there is Adam.<br />
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Within Meghan's story is the story of Adam...Adam's life was also turned upside down...and Adam continues to share his journey as he navigates through the what ifs he never wanted to face. Adam shares the emotions and heartache of realizing life doesn't always end up how we envision it...he shares as he navigates through painful emotions...and making important choices. Choices to continue placing one foot in front of the other...to learn how to work through the emotions, instead of pretending they aren't there or trying to outrun them. Adam continues to share his story as part of Meghan's mission...but it is really a reflection of Adam.<br />
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At the heart of Adam's story is his desire to help others. Adam wants to reach other people...because, at some point, we will all have our lives turned upside down...and we will face similar choices: to pick ourselves up and learn how to truly live life to its fullest or to let ourselves be overcome and give up. Adam wants to share his experiences to show others there is value in being true to who you are...there is value in finding yourself...because in the midst of life's challenges, both triumphs and failures, there is an opportunity to be the best you. There is no shame in being open and honest about your struggles, in fact, the ability to admit where you are at is often the moment you are able to recognize your own strength. There is a life made sweeter and richer by giving space to the hardship...Adam uses his regrets as markers for future situations, he doesn't let them put a halt to the journey. Adam uses Meghan's list as a trajectory for his life...as he accomplishes one goal, he sets another...consistently getting bigger and bigger. He is proud of what he has learned and accomplished and he credits Meghan's example...he wants others to find the strength to live life harder and never stop...keep pushing, keep living...don't ever stop...push yourself to do more with what you have...be open to seeing love all the way through.<br />
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During Adam's journey in India, his friend talked about how Meghan passed her goals onto him and not anyone else in her circle because Adam needed the path and the path is Ali Baba's key to the hidden treasure. At first, I was as uncertain as Adam about what exactly it meant...but as I sought to understand who Meghan was...who Adam is...and learn the message intertwined in both their journeys, I realized how true this statement is...and how thankful I am my path has crossed Adam's.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0iY0lshRIrzEDkDa_sTpBshiP21vt4pD2H3wqhInnEztKJMoAsuVhUD5_9ERA56OPNeeVHP-kpDYU8aSjjUEpzb0G83y61htce7DIFcNqhSXLZ3uUpDfcr7UgDQ0BvmSCU6drvd7rNyk/s1600/adam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #7c1750; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0iY0lshRIrzEDkDa_sTpBshiP21vt4pD2H3wqhInnEztKJMoAsuVhUD5_9ERA56OPNeeVHP-kpDYU8aSjjUEpzb0G83y61htce7DIFcNqhSXLZ3uUpDfcr7UgDQ0BvmSCU6drvd7rNyk/s200/adam.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.199219) 0px 0px 0px; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid rgb(203, 203, 203); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.199219) 0px 0px 0px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" width="200" /></a></div>
Follow Adam on his journey:<br />
Blog <a href="http://ms-mae.blogspot.com/" style="color: #7c1750; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">For the Love of Meghan</a><br />
Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/LoveOfMeg" style="color: #7c1750; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">@LoveOfMeg</a><br />
Facebook <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ForTheLoveOfMeghan" style="color: #7c1750; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">For the love of Meghan</a><br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">If you'd like to support Adam on completing Meghan's list, there is a donation button on the blog </span></div>
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</div>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-87663263578015765042012-07-25T13:33:00.001-04:002012-07-25T13:33:05.288-04:00Coming DownThis guy was hanging out above DC right before I landed last week. <div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiC9GhCokgOw9QDW-2yshCMN6t5hWnHoOd3UUJll8IN9sedJqUSTJYrr7ydlAqocUubkzImQyufQhNqW8djapLh-43OjsCHgL2-yXaeYblcB3wk5kwfD0EFVeFbb22W7ympj7vnVDwZncB/s640/blogger-image-1377841500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiC9GhCokgOw9QDW-2yshCMN6t5hWnHoOd3UUJll8IN9sedJqUSTJYrr7ydlAqocUubkzImQyufQhNqW8djapLh-43OjsCHgL2-yXaeYblcB3wk5kwfD0EFVeFbb22W7ympj7vnVDwZncB/s640/blogger-image-1377841500.jpg" /></a></div>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-45940739950929515282012-07-17T21:42:00.001-04:002012-07-17T21:42:43.971-04:00aurora<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I ran 13.1 miles faster by 13 minutes the day after Friday
the 13<sup>th</sup>, after which it was announced that the northern lights
might make an appearance that night around midnight when it would be,
officially, Meghan’s 31st birthday. I know that it’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">possible </i>for the Northern Lights to show up in the middle of
Ontario in the middle of summer. But it’s not very likely. I’ve been much
further north, latitude-wise, in much better conditions for viewing them and
nothing. Seeing the Northern Lights is one of Meghan’s goals that I’ve been
chasing, unsuccessfully, for the last two years. I’ve been through all of the
Canadian provinces west of Quebec and both North-American coasts in winter with
nothing to show for it.</div>
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I don’t put much stock in coincidences, numbers, signs, big
voices in the sky etc. but these instances are, at the very least, interesting
to highlight. We could see whisps like smoke poking out from the tops of the
trees that would flicker on and off, similar to lightning bugs, but they weren’t
the neon green ripples everyone expects. Maybe our senses were blurred by the
light pollution or alcohol but the pictures I happened to take by resting the
camera on my shoe pointed skyward are hard to deny. I’ll let you be the judge
if cross this one off or not. </div>
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</div>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-83600134910427453092012-07-12T19:06:00.001-04:002012-07-12T19:06:01.449-04:00Hey CanadaNice to see you too!<div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPl0LhLSbgFDb9vk_gSqqMpVSHNYt3vWw-XxuPR0kYdwKtkghrrMAGFoKuQ3juzz4uoy3TQA8xmNQQr-TaGHI8jwfwczoT_qrN9xAO-6Imtf7_voLHXscUkKXVdgypxcuIXtEF7F-F8oTd/s640/blogger-image--773911797.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPl0LhLSbgFDb9vk_gSqqMpVSHNYt3vWw-XxuPR0kYdwKtkghrrMAGFoKuQ3juzz4uoy3TQA8xmNQQr-TaGHI8jwfwczoT_qrN9xAO-6Imtf7_voLHXscUkKXVdgypxcuIXtEF7F-F8oTd/s640/blogger-image--773911797.jpg" /></a></div>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-58982752600652260352012-07-09T10:04:00.001-04:002012-07-09T10:04:40.553-04:00Night runsGood for your heart, good for your head<div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQTIf8FKfIMDybvv9BgCAVzUfKmB5I_WFEmqTur8-feYWrMsgTgO36O03L7BICXquy4UAkr9orkETTs5d57UZh64bOgek-PdsIWPiHCfIrHFIYx2kZbKYNBVSQJsGIgR9HC3nFWKJw0vBl/s640/blogger-image-1815574492.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQTIf8FKfIMDybvv9BgCAVzUfKmB5I_WFEmqTur8-feYWrMsgTgO36O03L7BICXquy4UAkr9orkETTs5d57UZh64bOgek-PdsIWPiHCfIrHFIYx2kZbKYNBVSQJsGIgR9HC3nFWKJw0vBl/s640/blogger-image-1815574492.jpg" /></a></div>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-41552364857544264462012-07-06T14:29:00.001-04:002012-07-06T14:29:02.894-04:00Heat<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I'm so glad the temperature in Tobermory doesn't match that of DC. I was starting to get worried about the run next Sunday ... </div>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-76273160980619422922012-07-02T15:20:00.001-04:002012-07-02T15:20:26.235-04:00Goal Update!Step 1 of Meghan's PhD goal:<br />
<div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaizhKgegIAAmEPo3gzIr0TzQC6M1NxzgDk_lS7bAcz2W1KUMIcUAxRyzWMCfUu8SwirgYi9jOCa_JUXL9Xi6Ae9jZ0S_Whls2sjncyTrFVAN0WoMDZlMp3Eh1CpP4PYqWGnf1FGhyF8uG/s640/blogger-image--69552168.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaizhKgegIAAmEPo3gzIr0TzQC6M1NxzgDk_lS7bAcz2W1KUMIcUAxRyzWMCfUu8SwirgYi9jOCa_JUXL9Xi6Ae9jZ0S_Whls2sjncyTrFVAN0WoMDZlMp3Eh1CpP4PYqWGnf1FGhyF8uG/s640/blogger-image--69552168.jpg" /></a></div>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-84391221314198790822012-06-27T23:55:00.000-04:002012-06-28T07:47:07.621-04:00New Initiative<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
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<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/adamrwarner/2757503511/" title="IMG_8913 by iamthenarwhal, on Flickr"></a><br />
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<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Something I've been thinking about for a long time is to use this space as a resource for dealing with loss and the grief that accompanies loss. I'd like to hear about <i>your</i> successes and failures, if you're willing to share, in dealing with the loss of a loved one.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I've been fortunate with the people that surround me - in how they've helped guide me, and the insight they offer in my struggle with losing Meghan. Those experiences have given me an understanding into moving forward through tragedy. A key element I'd like to highlight is being open to new experiences. When you lose a loved one it's easy to shut everything out and shut yourself off. It can be difficult to relate to others because your experience is unique and everything else feels inauthentic. You're numb and isolated and it feels secure to stay cut off. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I am where I am today because I allowed my grief to have its space but I didn't allow it to to take over. I was willing to let other people help me, and I was willing to try things outside of my comfort zone to heal. A phrase I came across in the book <a href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=%22http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002U5HKZ6/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=msmaeblogspot-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B002U5HKZ6%22%3EShantaram%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=msmaeblogspot-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B002U5HKZ6%22%20width=%221%22%20height=%221%22%20border=%220%22%20alt=%22%22%20style=%22border:none%20!important;%20margin:0px%20!important;%22%20/%3E">Shantaram</a> illustrates this point really well; <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">“I don't know what frightens me more, the power that crushes us, or our endless ability to endure it.” </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18px;">When you think about the horrible things that people have gone through, it is terrifying. It's scary that soldiers return from war missing limbs and go on to live happy productive lives. It's scary because really bad things <i>can</i> happen. It doesn't have to be scary, however, that we can move forward. Humans have developed an incredible depth of strength that even death can't stop. It's important to remember what we've gone through in reference to where we're going. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I remember being scared to start therapy. Here's how I pictured it: therapist in the corner armchair, under an ornate lamp, quietly judging me on a legal pad. Me on a leather couch, trying to convince him/her that my life sucks. I thought I had to shell out hundreds of dollars every week to connect my struggles to a scenario from childhood, then leave with a xanax prescription. I thought it would be an ineffective solution to the things I was dealing with. I guess you could say that I thought it would be self-indulgent. I was mistaken on all accounts. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">There were armchairs and lamps but no legal pads or couches. There was no judgement. There was no convincing on my part, no prescriptions. More importantly, there <i>was </i>someone who was always on my side, willing to let me talk through any issue that I felt important. And the money? </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If you live near a university, there's likely a counseling program that offers income-based counseling from graduate students. I paid $10 a week to talk to someone that very much wanted to see me improve my outlook. Not every session was complaining or talking about my childhood. There was a lot of discussion about how I handled things vs. how I felt I <i>should </i>handle things. My therapist was there to serve as a mirror, to be objective about my experience and to be completely in my corner. There were definitely challenging sessions but the goal was always to see me get better.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If I had not been willing to go through therapy, I believe I would still feel guilty about Meghan dying. I would still feel the need to be isolated. I think I'd still worry about others' expectations about my feelings, rather than trusting my own feelings. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This isn't to say that I don't still struggle, because I do. But I am in a much better place than I was two years ago and that is due to a willingness to try new things. We have a scary amount of strength inside us, but sometimes we just have to be ok with letting others help us find it. </span><br />
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</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So, tell me what you think...tell me what worked for you, or what didn't, and why. </span></div></div></div></div>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-74535382195989865602012-06-25T15:38:00.000-04:002012-06-25T17:39:37.535-04:00New StuffI made a bunch of updates to the blog, everything is (hopefully) more organized and accessible. Meghan's birthday, July 15th, is in three weeks and that means another half marathon for me. It'd be fun if some (or all) of you would commit to doing something similarly exercise related on the same day while I'm running. Eh? Let me know what you think of the reorganization and the exercise idea! Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-61335795843740124752012-06-21T23:17:00.000-04:002012-06-23T12:41:39.948-04:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
There's this one song that I became totally obsessed with right after Meghan passed away. It is one of those that you wish you had a hand in writing because it seems so lyrically personal and situationally perfect. I haven't listened to this song in nearly two years and for whatever reason, I put it on tonight. I feel like I need to make some changes about how I write on here and what I write on here. I don't do it enough and this experience is completely cathartic.<br />
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I don't do it enough.<br />
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I feel like Meghan left me with tools and a direction and I want to keep pursuing them. I want her memory to make a difference for people and be helpful. She made an enormously beneficial change in me and I feel like her influence is something that can be extended far beyond me. I miss her. I think about what she went through all the time. I wish I could have done more. I hope what she started with this blog succeeds in its intention.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="300" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/RDrTkd1618Q" width="400"></iframe></div>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-61770767708514041002012-04-27T12:41:00.000-04:002012-04-27T12:41:31.228-04:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Do something today that makes you remember in a positive way.<br /><br /><br />
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/adamrwarner/3135066881/" title="IMG_0048 by iamthenarwhal, on Flickr"><img alt="IMG_0048" height="500" src="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3131/3135066881_7c89cb63e3.jpg" width="378" /></a><br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="220" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/GZ-kXZsUa_w" width="375"></iframe></div>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-34725506062170358092012-04-26T09:46:00.000-04:002012-04-26T09:46:15.976-04:00The flick of a switch<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This is from the time that Meghan and I went to a random small town in Korea called Danyang that boasted its own set of 8 wonders. Meghan's favorite was the waterfall on the opposite side of the river from where we stayed that was turned on at night. That's right, someone had the job of turning on the waterfall. During the day, no waterfall. At night, disco-lit waterfall. Definitely on the same level as the pyramids. Outside of another one of the wonders (a cave) was a shotgun range. It makes complete sense. </div><br><br><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/adamrwarner/2489673624/" title="IMG_5088 by iamthenarwhal, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3246/2489673624_8b607573ae.jpg" width="378" height="500" alt="IMG_5088"></a>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-73699985921279437502012-04-13T11:47:00.001-04:002012-04-13T11:48:33.594-04:00Dont Save AnythingThis is one of my favo(u)rite pictures of Meghan. It in a way represents her approach to most things in life -- lead the charge, full force ahead and no looking back. This was right after radiation treatment, we got out pretty far before the sun started going down and we had to turn around. She was exhausted and I had to do all the work to get us back. I really admired that, she didn't save anything in order to get back, like what is behind us is irrelevant. Just keep pushing forward. <div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMw8tARDxlbGB_lMlJiUHp4_RD2ooT6KRCjGZUeGQICt-i9PJ1XqP4bySWBioLGj5SVghWVwmUS1zWMUiMREtvJwhNNnaBPIHPENFAHFY_UrDTa7GjbLLRtDPj73Dv9e-l6LQMazqcu_Sf/s640/blogger-image--2029197468.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMw8tARDxlbGB_lMlJiUHp4_RD2ooT6KRCjGZUeGQICt-i9PJ1XqP4bySWBioLGj5SVghWVwmUS1zWMUiMREtvJwhNNnaBPIHPENFAHFY_UrDTa7GjbLLRtDPj73Dv9e-l6LQMazqcu_Sf/s640/blogger-image--2029197468.jpg" /></a></div>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-14042047392888038322012-04-09T11:10:00.002-04:002012-04-09T11:10:15.338-04:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Meghan and I were watching the opening ceremonies for the Olympics and Neil Young played this song. Meghan started crying a little bit and I remember how haunting it all felt.
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</div>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-55798051302263501752012-04-04T10:05:00.000-04:002012-04-04T10:05:27.092-04:00This is a pretty awesome video our friends made. I won't ruin it by trying to explain.
<iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/34880857?color=c9ff23" width="400" height="225" frameborder="0" webkitAllowFullScreen mozallowfullscreen allowFullScreen></iframe><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/34880857">Ship Wheel.</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/chrilleks">Chris + Aleks = Chrilleks</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-89056478868464542892012-03-30T11:03:00.001-04:002012-04-04T10:09:04.290-04:00Cherry BlossomsFrom the first cherry blossom festival we went to in Seoul. Tourists were freaking out trying to get pictures where they were surrounded by the blossoms. Meghan thought it was hilarious and literally said "take a picture of me sitting in the middle of this bush."<div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/adamrwarner/2530636235/" title="IMG_5122 by iamthenarwhal, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2397/2530636235_eca89525df_n.jpg" width="320" height="242" alt="IMG_5122"></a></div>Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-77455458708711733902012-03-28T10:59:00.001-04:002012-03-28T11:01:31.308-04:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu9a8WdCBuXKt9s-PqXiaIOGgudV7d0VJooPaG26ewX3yUKm7v-VFBcjSw1rIsQ3sY2u47FACcIh01r9TfIAcPe9wvYefxCVdCIcso0xL6EQMBA2UQMI-Gz9v9qapn8pTeV_ZnCgOCk1ZO/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu9a8WdCBuXKt9s-PqXiaIOGgudV7d0VJooPaG26ewX3yUKm7v-VFBcjSw1rIsQ3sY2u47FACcIh01r9TfIAcPe9wvYefxCVdCIcso0xL6EQMBA2UQMI-Gz9v9qapn8pTeV_ZnCgOCk1ZO/s320/photo.JPG" /></a></div>
happy anniversaryAdam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-44296374801383013732011-07-26T15:13:00.001-04:002011-07-26T15:13:31.112-04:00Weight Trainingweight training starts today! any running specific routines you all know of?Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-32552481499385304092011-07-24T14:27:00.001-04:002011-07-24T14:27:30.651-04:006.5 swampy, draining, rejuvenating miles. I feel awesome/ awful. How do you runners train in this?Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16798075377082932012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-17948983585802234822011-07-19T17:09:00.001-04:002011-07-19T19:01:13.303-04:00continue<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/adamrwarner/5955815000/" title="Untitled by iamthenarwhal, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6123/5955815000_0014a861ce.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt=""></a></center><br /><br />It's hard being at the cottage sometimes when you let your mind get ahead of you think about all that is gone. Meghan, Chuck and Gram were staples there. They made the cottage, the cottage in many ways. Their influence is seen, felt and their absence is painfully obvious. It is still the same relaxing place but what it means to me is being reinvented. I think its more a place of reflection now. I spent Meghan's birthday, which historically has been the period that we're up there, running. Two years ago Meghan and I started running. She would take a right at the end of the driveway and I would go left. I topped out at 2 miles and Meghan, every time, would do at least 3. <br />This past year has been all about challenging myself and accomplishing difficult goals that Meghan set mostly for herself(check the bottom of the page for the list of completed goals). I went snowshoeing finally (running 5k in snowshoes is nothing to shake a stick at.) The race, which was set up by the incredible <a href="http://squeezyourlemons.blogspot.com/">Jen Nichol</a> was amazing, so many wonderful people came out to both race and support. I really had a blast being in the snow and doing something far outside of my comfort zone. I then started training. Actually training. For the Half-Marathon. Something also outside of my comfort zone. I typically will start something and quit after a month when it gets difficult. Running was different, I was completely prepared by Meghan's birthday and it was the best run I've had to date. <br />I don't want to stop running so I signed up for a marathon this fall. I also am going to start incorporating my goals as I move forward. Making goals that push you forward is the best lesson I've learned from Meghan. There's no point to not having something to work toward that is harder than the last challenge you completed. <br />(I know, I know....what?! why?) <br />I'm running the <a href="http://www.marinemarathon.com/">Marine Corps Marathon</a> in Washington DC on Oct. 30 with the<a href=" http://www.gwumc.edu/gwci/marathonrunners.html"> George Washington University Cancer Institute"</a>.<br />I have a Fundraising <a href="https://www.signmeup.com/Site/Services/fw.aspx?g=6ef57c56-2eea-4a42-a2a9-2c1646c2fe5e">Goal of $500</a> and would greatly appreciate your help in reaching that. I'm going to start posting my progress with Marathon training and School this fall. I'm definitely going to need periodic advice and help with things and I know some of you out there have plenty to offer. I would love to develop this into a supportive community of people working towards their own progressive goals.<br /><br />Life, Harder.Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-19511338926024640722011-07-15T09:13:00.002-04:002011-07-19T16:14:10.888-04:00Happy Birthday Meg, this is for you, Chuck & Grammarama. <br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/adamrwarner/5955089659/" title="Untitled by iamthenarwhal, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6126/5955089659_9ca4d0e7c8_m.jpg" width="160" height="240" alt=""></a><br />
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13.1 CompleteAdam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6047048042562451496.post-38506985438653312482011-07-13T11:16:00.000-04:002011-07-13T11:17:12.159-04:0013.1<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/adamrwarner/5933313021/" title="Untitled by iamthenarwhal, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6017/5933313021_e2e3974140_m.jpg" width="240" height="120" alt=""></a><br><br /><br />I'm sorry in advance for any grammatical errors, this just sort of came out quickly and I literally have to walk out the door to go to the airport right now. I can't wait for CANADA!<br /><br />Without further adieu:<br /><br />I couldn't take New York and never feeling like I was going to get my head above water. I worked 12 hours every day and still couldn't afford every day expenses, I was always exhausted and I wasn't able to do the things I wanted to do. I didn't feel like my life was progressing in the direction I wanted it to and I missed my friends. I missed being in DC and doing the things I used to when I lived there. Moving again also scared me. I was worried that it was a nomadic trend and I'd never be able to get settled. I wanted to find somewhere to be for a long time, to plant my feet and feel secure.<br />I moved back in march and slept on couches for about a month until a room opened up in a really good neighborhood. I started going to shows again, seeing my friends regularly and doing those small traditions that were important to my friend and myself. I found a good, steady job a few blocks from my house and I picked up where I left off with the running goal I sort of started back in the winter. I finally started to feel like myself.<br />I’m running 4-5 days a week and steadily improving. It's the best thing I think I've worked at so far. There is no other feeling like waking up at 5:30 and being done with 10 miles before 9. I am proud of myself for accomplishing that! Is huge to me to be in double-digit mileage. I know running the half marathon for Meghan next month will not be some nearly insurmountable struggle, and that is the point of the goal. To put in significant effort and training to accomplish something way outside my realm of fitness. To work at something, hard, to achieve it. The triumph of any goal isn't the finish, it's all of that struggle and fight to get there, that's the part that you remember and carry with you when you actually do finish.<br />The middle was always the important part for Meghan, the getting somewhere, the in between. She was excited when she finished something because of all she'd worked for and accomplished on her way to get to that goal. I feel the same way about the next big goal coming up. This Friday, on Meghan's birthday I'm running the half marathon than I've been training for the last 6 months. I feel really good about it; I know that I've put in the necessary effort for it not to be a huge struggle. Just the same way Meghan would have put in all the preliminary work to easily achieve something she would've wanted to. This is my path now, to set a goal, work hard for it, accomplish something more difficult than the last achievement and repeat. Meghan never stopped trying to be better and I won't either.<br /><br />If you're interested in coming to the run, send me an email. It'd be cool to have some company.<br /><br />Also, I got accepted to school, I start this fall and I can't wait!Adam Warnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081929156975364395noreply@blogger.com0