Diagnosis...not so good

The other night while I was talking to Adam on the phone, he suggested that I start documenting my trials and tribulations for all to see. Of course, my initial reaction was "What?!? and let random people that I don't know read about my personal life? No bloody way!".

Then I remembered this blog.

I started it several months ago in an attempt to overcome my apprehensiveness of baring my soul for the world to see. I suppose that now is as good a time as ever to start to open up and share with my friends, family and complete stranger.

On October 17, 2008, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The news, momentarily, shocked me out of reality.

Though I tried to focus on what the doctor was telling me, I couldn't help but feel as though I was a million miles away. Everything had been leading me to believe that it was just a simple cyst. All of the doctors had been convinced, but were just doing the tests as procedure. I was dumbfounded.

Miraculously, my boyfriend had arrived in Seoul about 5 days before and was with me when I received the new. Looking back now, I suppose the reason I was so shocked was because I was expecting to simply go in for another biopsy. When the Dr. sat me down and started apologizing, it took me several seconds to catch on that he was trying, ever so gently, to tell me that I have cancer. I was so caught off guard that I couldn't even think of any questions for him.

I felt like a lost pup for the remainder of our time at the hospital, following around the nurse who was leading me to pay for the barrage of tests I was about to undergo. All the testing had to be finished with great speed so I could be cleared to have my lumpectomy the following week.

Adam was the one with the clear head that came to the conclusion that paying over $500 for a MRI and various other tests seemed illogical if I was just going to be going back to Canada soon anyway. He actually had to argue with me outside the MRI admission area and convince me that I should get my money back and book a ticket back home as soon as possible. I'm not entirely sure what I was thinking at this point, other then how badly I just wanted to "Get this freaking s*** out of me!"

To make a long story short, I booked my flight home for a week later, leaving me with enough time to pack and get myself together before I headed back to Canada.

I've been home for about 5 days now. Yesterday, I met with my new doctor at St. Michaels Hospital in Toronto. His name is Dr. George and he is the Medical Director of the CIBC breast centre at the hospital.

He is a lovely man with a good sense of humour, that seems to have a very calming effect on everyone he encounters.

The only thing that caught me of guard during the appointment was when he said "it feels like cancer" after doing the standard breast exam. Neither of the doctors in Korea had admitted this to me. Perhaps they just weren't sure, and didn't want to alarm me, or perhaps it has just gotten more prominent and can now be felt. Regardless, he was pretty quick to affirm the cancer diagnosis.

I left feeling pretty confident about the meeting and the abilities of my surgeon.