Do something today that makes you remember in a positive way.

The flick of a switch

This is from the time that Meghan and I went to a random small town in Korea called Danyang that boasted its own set of 8 wonders. Meghan's favorite was the waterfall on the opposite side of the river from where we stayed that was turned on at night. That's right, someone had the job of turning on the waterfall. During the day, no waterfall. At night, disco-lit waterfall. Definitely on the same level as the pyramids. Outside of another one of the wonders (a cave) was a shotgun range. It makes complete sense. 

Dont Save Anything

This is one of my favo(u)rite pictures of Meghan. It in a way represents her approach to most things in life -- lead the charge, full force ahead and no looking back. This was right after radiation treatment, we got out pretty far before the sun started going down and we had to turn around. She was exhausted and I had to do all the work to get us back. I really admired that, she didn't save anything in order to get back, like what is behind us is irrelevant. Just keep pushing forward.

Meghan and I were watching the opening ceremonies for the Olympics and Neil Young played this song. Meghan started crying a little bit and I remember how haunting it all felt.

This is a pretty awesome video our friends made. I won't ruin it by trying to explain.

Ship Wheel. from Chris + Aleks = Chrilleks on Vimeo.

Cherry Blossoms

From the first cherry blossom festival we went to in Seoul. Tourists were freaking out trying to get pictures where they were surrounded by the blossoms. Meghan thought it was hilarious and literally said "take a picture of me sitting in the middle of this bush."

happy anniversary

Weight Training

weight training starts today! any running specific routines you all know of?

6.5 swampy, draining, rejuvenating miles. I feel awesome/ awful. How do you runners train in this?

continue

It's hard being at the cottage sometimes when you let your mind get ahead of you think about all that is gone. Meghan, Chuck and Gram were staples there. They made the cottage, the cottage in many ways. Their influence is seen, felt and their absence is painfully obvious. It is still the same relaxing place but what it means to me is being reinvented. I think its more a place of reflection now. I spent Meghan's birthday, which historically has been the period that we're up there, running. Two years ago Meghan and I started running. She would take a right at the end of the driveway and I would go left. I topped out at 2 miles and Meghan, every time, would do at least 3.
This past year has been all about challenging myself and accomplishing difficult goals that Meghan set mostly for herself(check the bottom of the page for the list of completed goals). I went snowshoeing finally (running 5k in snowshoes is nothing to shake a stick at.) The race, which was set up by the incredible Jen Nichol was amazing, so many wonderful people came out to both race and support. I really had a blast being in the snow and doing something far outside of my comfort zone. I then started training. Actually training. For the Half-Marathon. Something also outside of my comfort zone. I typically will start something and quit after a month when it gets difficult. Running was different, I was completely prepared by Meghan's birthday and it was the best run I've had to date.
I don't want to stop running so I signed up for a marathon this fall. I also am going to start incorporating my goals as I move forward. Making goals that push you forward is the best lesson I've learned from Meghan. There's no point to not having something to work toward that is harder than the last challenge you completed.
(I know, I know....what?! why?)
I'm running the Marine Corps Marathon in Washington DC on Oct. 30 with the George Washington University Cancer Institute".
I have a Fundraising Goal of $500 and would greatly appreciate your help in reaching that. I'm going to start posting my progress with Marathon training and School this fall. I'm definitely going to need periodic advice and help with things and I know some of you out there have plenty to offer. I would love to develop this into a supportive community of people working towards their own progressive goals.

Life, Harder.

Happy Birthday Meg, this is for you, Chuck & Grammarama.



13.1 Complete

13.1

I'm sorry in advance for any grammatical errors, this just sort of came out quickly and I literally have to walk out the door to go to the airport right now. I can't wait for CANADA!

Without further adieu:

I couldn't take New York and never feeling like I was going to get my head above water. I worked 12 hours every day and still couldn't afford every day expenses, I was always exhausted and I wasn't able to do the things I wanted to do. I didn't feel like my life was progressing in the direction I wanted it to and I missed my friends. I missed being in DC and doing the things I used to when I lived there. Moving again also scared me. I was worried that it was a nomadic trend and I'd never be able to get settled. I wanted to find somewhere to be for a long time, to plant my feet and feel secure.
I moved back in march and slept on couches for about a month until a room opened up in a really good neighborhood. I started going to shows again, seeing my friends regularly and doing those small traditions that were important to my friend and myself. I found a good, steady job a few blocks from my house and I picked up where I left off with the running goal I sort of started back in the winter. I finally started to feel like myself.
I’m running 4-5 days a week and steadily improving. It's the best thing I think I've worked at so far. There is no other feeling like waking up at 5:30 and being done with 10 miles before 9. I am proud of myself for accomplishing that! Is huge to me to be in double-digit mileage. I know running the half marathon for Meghan next month will not be some nearly insurmountable struggle, and that is the point of the goal. To put in significant effort and training to accomplish something way outside my realm of fitness. To work at something, hard, to achieve it. The triumph of any goal isn't the finish, it's all of that struggle and fight to get there, that's the part that you remember and carry with you when you actually do finish.
The middle was always the important part for Meghan, the getting somewhere, the in between. She was excited when she finished something because of all she'd worked for and accomplished on her way to get to that goal. I feel the same way about the next big goal coming up. This Friday, on Meghan's birthday I'm running the half marathon than I've been training for the last 6 months. I feel really good about it; I know that I've put in the necessary effort for it not to be a huge struggle. Just the same way Meghan would have put in all the preliminary work to easily achieve something she would've wanted to. This is my path now, to set a goal, work hard for it, accomplish something more difficult than the last achievement and repeat. Meghan never stopped trying to be better and I won't either.

If you're interested in coming to the run, send me an email. It'd be cool to have some company.

Also, I got accepted to school, I start this fall and I can't wait!

Thank you, for the last year.

Another G&T kind of day. I'm really proud of all that has been accomplished in the past year and I have no doubt Meghan would be very proud of my progress. I know we all miss her so much but it's important to not dwell on how sad this all can be but how important her life was and how much she refuses to stop inspiring us all to live harder.
Raise that glass high.

slow brain

It's been really hard to get anything concise to come to the surface in the past month. Uncle chuck passed away a week after grammarama and that was surprisingly hard to deal with. He was a huge part of supporting me during Meghan's treatment and passing away. He was the epitome of gentle giant. I definitely looked up to him and wish i could've done more for him when he got sick earlier this year and I can't do the man justice with words, he is larger than life.

I feel worse for feeling less, like the well has run dry from everything that we've all dealt with in the past year, I feel like I can't feel anything else in that way or be really, really sad when I know I should. It's confusing and makes me feel guilty. soul-sucker for sure.

I guess I have to lead those night walks through the woods now (you know who you are and what I'm talking about)?

too many shoes

meghan's grandmother, grammarama, passed away monday morning.
send your love and how they've changed you (they all definitely had a part in making meghan....meghan) to the most amazing and resilient family i've had the good fortune to wriggle my way into:

maggie_baker1@hotmail.com
willabake@hotmail.com
baker_222@hotmail.com


this is where life made complete sense. raise those gin n tonics, you ladies are so missed:

maker

It's for some reason enormously hard to write lately. I didn't until very recently feel like my life was in complete upheaval. Moving from couch to couch is fun only for so long. Sometimes you just need to retreat to a space that is entirely your own where you feel safe and contained and stable. That's something I haven't had for over six months. Thanksgiving was hard. Christmas was hard and new years was almost too much for me to handle. It took me by complete surprise. I really wasn't at all expecting to be affected by it, especially because it's never been a holiday that's held much weight with me. I've wanted it to be fun in the past but it never amounts to much. The ball drops, and then you go to bed (last year Meghan didn't even make it that far and wanted to go to bed at 9!)

So yeah, I was expecting the holidays I do really enjoy (especially thanksgiving) to be upsetting. But it wasn't. It didn't feel like anything. New years is a very clear and definite end to what you've been through in the past, measurable amount of time. And in this past year there's been almost to much to take measure of, it's too broad of a scope. My head felt like it was shutting down with all of that weight that night. I couldn't grasp it. I didn't want to. I didn't want it to be over. It felt like some massive ship still very visible slowly sailing out of port. There is absolutely nothing in my power to stop the inertia of something that massive or even to slow it down and it's the saddest thing to experience. I don't want it to move away from me or feel any more distant than it already does. I miss Meghan so much. I even miss her being sick. I miss anything of her that's remotely tangible and within reach. But I can't stop that lumbering beast of pain, memory, hope, love and life from leaving me. I don't know what to do.

I am able to find happiness in small doses and sometimes not feel guilty about it. I do have my own space. My retreat. I'm here and I'm doing it. I'm existing and continuing and growing in spite of the difficulties the world has decided to heap on my shoulders. Meghan wants that. She forces perseverance and strength on me. I ran the farthest I've ever run in my 29 years today and it didn't even come close to defeating me. I beat the hell out of that 10k. Meghan is unquestionably carrying me, allowing, enabling and inspiring every step because I know she would be at this level if not far beyond by now. I owe it to her to be healthy and happy and fighting my way through every single rough patch, whether it's running, unemployment, homelessness, isolation, desperation, panic, guilt or remorse. I owe it to her memory and her life to look take all of these in for what they are and continue on the course set before me never looking back. I am here, I am the maker of my own way and I am going to kick the shit out of simple existence.




this guy is really inspiring:



Feb 19th I'll be completing another of meghan's goals at this event. It'd be great to meet some of you there, please come out, I think its going to be a lot of fun.

Led

Leaving brings the oddest mixture of feelings. Happiness, hope, sadness, regret, guilt and a tinge of fear. I am happy and content with what I've done and accomplished here. The experiences that I know are completely unique and remarkable will no doubt offer countless memories. I'm hopeful for the future, for moving to a new city for a new start and to put some serious effort into building an organization of ambition and facilitation. I'm sad for leaving the community that has shown me so much compassion and love and taught me countless lessons in every imaginable subject. Life changing experience doesn't even come close to quantifying it. Regret for not being able to devote more time. Or for that little voice wondering if I could've done more. Guilt is tied closely with the regret and my lack of physical things to give. Life in Jaisalmer is unquestionably rough as a Merasi. Once again, I had to learn the lesson of not acting out of anger or frustration, but watching and learning how to handle difficulty with grace and dignity. Meghan literally never let anything beat her spirit. Ever. She was certainly beat down by disease and indifferent doctors but she never ever gave up. She never lost her focus.

My heart breaks wide open for people like that. People that are so willing to welcome you into their life and be part of their struggle and show you their strength. The meaning of strength. Some people are full of spirit and drive and determination and completely deserve everything they want out of life. It's inspiring to be around and hard to leave. "If you want something bad enough the whole world conspires to help you achieve it." not like the lottery or a new car. Something out of life you were meant to achieve. Your own greatness is waiting for you. You don’t have to be a billionaire or leader of an uprising. Personal greatness in the way of doing something meaningful with your life. Significant work that you and others mutually benefit from. If you want that, if you're actively seeking that path the world, the stars, your lost loves that have passed on have your back and clearing the road before you. It's almost like your body knows the way and your mind needs convincing.

I lost sight of that at first. My focus was off. I missed the forest for the trees. Those monumental epiphanies come when you're working through a lot of things. They come when your focus expands and your ability to absorb expands and you are making an effort to be there for it all. The light switch doesn’t flip when earth-shattering realizations are your singular goal.

One of the last few nights in Jaisalmer I was standing on my rooftop, not looking at anything. Soaking up the tinny chirp of the bats and the fishbowl effect of a cloudless star filled sky. And that's when it happened. I wanted to scream, to somehow audibly relieve every ounce of anger, frustration, guilt and heartbreak. I felt like a hole opened in the center of my chest with what felt like a direct link to everything. I wasn’t looking for anything, I was just there accepting. Not searching, not asking, just wanting it to all go away and be replaced by this newness. Something fresh, and complete.

It left. I didn’t need to do anything; I knew it wouldn't matter if I did. The world won't wait for me to catch up. I have to let it go. I have to get up. I have to be able to take everything in. I have to keep moving.

I'm being led. I have a direction that I am continually and gently nudged back into. All of these huge lessons I've learned along the way have only happened because of this communication and direction. Supernatural or tangible, I know where I'm going and why and I get feedback. It doesn't stop. She's not completely gone, she's not forgotten, I haven't moved on nor do I have any intention of doing so. Meghan has altered my life so profoundly that others need to understand her impact. I have finished a giant step for her and it's made me better and stronger and I have so much left to do, so much more important work. Thank you all for bring part of this with us and offering your support because it helps. It really does. It keeps me going on those bleak and dark days. It helps knowing Meghan’s legacy can still affect me and encourage/ inspire others. Thank you so much for being a part of this. These odd feelings are equal parts confusing and comforting and thank you for helping to induce them. I'm here to help and I have much to offer in return. I hope to be there for all of you as you have for us and for me in the beginning of this incredible journey

The world is a really beautiful place when you stop focusing on singular things and let all of the surrounding parts in. I think focusing less on the difficulties of rural Indian life or the hardships I was going through mentally and emotionally allowed to me to see where Meghan is and what she means to me now. Some people think those that have passed away still communicate with us as ghosts or through seemingly random occurrences or animals. Regardless what you believe, I think they are still here with us in a big way. That communication still happens through memory, at the very least. You know this person and how they'd react. You know what they would say to you in specific situations. You know how they respond to you and through that, they still lead you.
I'm being led.

I have a direction that I am continually and gently nudged back into. All of these huge lessons I've learned along the way have only happened because of this communication and direction. Supernatural or tangible, I know where I’m going and why and I get feedback. It doesn't stop. She's not completely gone, she's not forgotten, I haven't moved on nor do I have any intention of doing so. Meghan has altered my life so profoundly that others need to understand her impact. I have finished a giant step for her and it's made me better and stronger and I have so much left to do, so much more important work. Thank you all for bring part of this with us and offering your support because it helps. It really does. It keeps me going on those bleak and dark days. It helps knowing Meghan's legacy can still affect me and encourage and inspire others. Thank you so much for being a part of this. These odd feelings are equal parts confusing and comforting and thank you for helping to induce them. I'm here to help and I have much to offer in return. I hope to be there for all of you, as you have for us and for me in the beginning of this incredible journey.

the will

It doesn't matter how hard any of this is.

I shouldn't say it doesn't matter, because it does. It's going to be important later on when I look back and think about the things I've gone through and overcome. There is a lot of significance in this time, but what I should say is that's not what I should be focusing on. I should be focusing on where I am and why I'm here. It is definitely remarkable and hard to believe that I'm in India. India was hardly on my radar of places to visit until I met Meghan, and even then I tried to talk her out of it. I just wasn't really interested. I get it though. I get why India was so important to her. Meghan always sought challenges and India is certainly full of them. She wanted to experience as much as possible and India is vastly different end to end. Camels, wild peacocks, antelope and elephants all in the same day. It's amazing how old the tombs and temples and culture and customs are. They've remained largely unchanged for the last 500 years. She would love hanging out with the old men in the chai stalls (I should clarify, she would've loved it for the first ten seconds of sitting there and then would've quickly been fed up with the old men blatantly staring and asking which country) or sharing a meal with villagers on a blanket after dark in the desert under the stars (guaranteed more shooting stars than you can count) or wandering through the endless maze of tiny alleys in Jaisalmer. These are experiences that few get to be part of and she would have loved that they were hers. They are hers.

It will be six months that she's been gone this Wednesday, as of few days ago I didn't think I was at all prepared for it. I know six months is a completely arbitrary mile-marker, but it exists and it exists to remind me that I'm alone. That she isn't here anymore. I didn't think I could handle it. I might not be able to. But so far, I am doing IT. That's the point. I am in the middle of it, still surviving and coping and carrying on. I am still here.

Meghan would be so proud and overcome at all that has happened in the past months. Things have progressed beyond what either of us ever expected. She would be so happy with the current place and the path for the future. We do have big plans for all of this. This doesn't just end with me. My goal is to make myself obsolete and have this entity carry on as its own, spurring others to live in Meghan's legacy, reflecting on all that she has to offer and all the of the strength she made so clearly visible for us to see. She is, in every way, extraordinary. Thanks to her I know how to let myself be upset, to grieve, to evaluate everything, then pick myself up and trudge through the mire life so often carelessly distributes to those that hardly ever deserve it.

We are amazing in that we possess will. We have the ability to see the impossible for what it is and overcome with sometimes nothing more than our determination. I watched Meghan do it countless times and on a regular basis. Overcoming provided fulfillment for her, like one would expect, but not like the journey to get there. Those individual steps were her triumph, the bumps along the way that she wouldn't let slow her down. It didn't matter how imposing those roadblocks were. The struggle is what held the significance.

She didn't let life pass her by. She allowed herself to relax and enjoy tiny moments that others hurried to get through. The small stuff holds the significance. The good, the bad. The heavy and the light. Where you are and why you're there is significant. Drinking coffee with a loved one is significant, not the stupid fight you have that keeps you from talking. Drinking chai in a sandstone hut has weight. Riding the slow bus to the beach has weight. Going to a hockey game with your family and best friends has weight. Not the final score, not the cost of the ticket, not the chai itself. Its the up and the down, the happy and the sad, the pieces that make up the whole that are important.

The Wall

In the last week I feel like I've hit a wall. The one made up all those painful feelings and memories of losing Meghan that's insurmountable and seemingly infinite on both sides. I've managed, off and on to turn my back on it and pretend it's not there or walk alongside it but again, avoid it. Until this past week. I've run out of ground to distract myself. It's here and it's huge and it's sad. And it makes me every bit as upset as it did five months ago. I have trouble sleeping at night, because every time I close my eyes I see the film reel of Meghan. If I'm lucky it has sound and I feel close and connected, if not I'm forced to watch from far away and I feel completely alone. Half the time I have to sleep holding a pillow or rolled up blanket.

All of this intense, heavy feeling combined with the cultural difference made me unfairly dislike India. And that is so unfair, to jumble a set of feelings into a judgment about one country. Not just one country, India. One-fifth of the worlds population. 150 different languages and thousand year old customary traditions that change as fast as the towns along the highways. India is beyond rich in life. I've been unfair.

I hated the hawking and heckling. I still do, but I think of it differently and react differently. With so much competition its hard to set yourself apart if you cant get a patron's attention. I hated the dirt and grime, but that too, I think of differently. Being dependent on tourism means a lack in infrastructure to upgrade things like sewer systems or electricity. Theres also an 'if it aint broke don't fix it mentality." India can be overwhelmingly difficult and intense. But so is Chinatown. Any Chinatown. Somehow though, I feel at ease about Jaisalmer. I'm not as frustrated, it's a slower pace of life here which can be pretty relaxing if you let it. I'm faced with these choices of how I can react to situations every day. It doesn't do me any good to react in anger, it just furthers my frustration. I feel more connected to the school and the people in it. The children are quickly responding to the English lessons and have made huge progress in their comprehension.

Back to the not sleeping. That too, I look at differently. It's not something to be sad about. Yes, what happened is incomprehensibly sad. But, I do have very vivid memories of Meghan. Some say that they can't remember facial features or voices or smells or instances after time and I still have all of that. I'm fairly confident it's not going
anywhere either. I miss her so much and I'm grateful she's still here in some capacity.

heart problem, part two

I feel equal parts happy and sad, like water of the same river flowing in opposite directions. I find contentment in much the same things that trigger the movie reel of Meghan, usually leading to despair. I am lonely. Not alone, or even far away feeling, but lonely. I lack companionship in its perfect form. It was stolen along with the last bit of my happy heart.

Watching life slip from a friend's loved one in much the same manner as I have experienced doesn't do much to help stave off those sad memories. They only make
me see how the world is mostly unaffected by all of it. It keeps going, keeps spinning, either out of determination or habit, unaware of my Meghan, my friends father, your sibling or child. It doesn't care. It's all part of the game were forced to play. It's all a part were meant to play with enormous risk and what gain? I'd be lying if I said this didn't make me weigh the outcome of not continuing. It really does seem pointless, God, gods or not.

A close friend's father is dying and it's beyond a mental and emotional complication to be part of that. First, he can't get medical attention because he's an untouchable. Second, me being foreign, means that I'm as good as a doctor to my Indian friends. I had to remove his IV the other day and I've been dispensing what little medical knowledge I have left and right. Third, it's all too familiar. So much of it reminds of watching Meghan slip away. I can barely have a conversation with my friend without having to bight down on some part of the inside of my mouth to keep from crying.

There's so much here I don't understand and am constantly frustrated by. I can't walk through the market without being heckled to buy someones bag, t shirt or tapestry. This place is filthy, I mean filthy. No one has trash cans, they walk to the front door and throw everything into the street. There's cattle and pigs and mange infested dogs everywhere also throwing their waste into the streets and walkways.

Once a week some boys will come by the school with a giant net and round up a some of the stray pigs, which make horrible, murderous noises when being captured, to be slaughtered and fed to the hotel guests. The same pigs that literally sleep and eat in the open sewer gutter. Families will feed the cows cardboard and paper and let them graze in the trash, then at night those families will milk the cows and use that milk in everything they eat... then they complain about disease and birth defects.

What matters is sticking to the customs of your caste...which were invented by the uppermost caste 1000 years ago. Everyone knows it's an arbitrary system and everyone refuses to upset it. Except my friend, who is at the very bottom of this system slowly fighting his way up. Literally fighting. His family dies because of it and he gets acid thrown on him while he's riding his scooter through town.

I think I was coming here expecting to meet some wise old yogi or something that would walk me through all the things I'm dealing with and lead me on the path to mental clarity...and I feel this has only confounded it. I know my friend is having a rough time and trying to keep himself busy and I know he's frustrated that the world won't stop for him to catch his breath. It's awful to watch the hi-light reel of something that's so fresh in my memory.

I guess all this is good because it's all inescapable. I'm forced to face all of this and figure it out for myself, or just deal with it. All of this bad and hard emotional things are tempered with some good. We drive out into the desert often and that's always fascinating. Three nights ago we drove out for an hour and then abruptly took a left off the road into the dirt for another fifteen. It took me a while to figure out where we were going and then I saw these two tiny lights way off in the distance. When we got there I figured out it was his friend's cell phones they were holding up. It's that f'ing dark out there. We had a pretty amazing and surprisingly well lit meal as far from any kind of civilization as I've ever been. The sky separated from a city's light pollution is remarkable. Our only company being the snakes and scorpions and camels. Stuff like that is phenomenal to be a part of, but you're pretty quickly confronted with reality the second you start heading back to town.

There was a motorcycle crash on the one lane road, they left the bikes in the middle of the road all tangled and blood all around. They put up a strange memorial with rocks around it...it almost looked staged. Half the car thought it was a trap. But we got out looking for people to help and one of the guys saw writing on one of the bikes and decided it was ok to leave them, because they were Muslim. Thank God they were a different religion, otherwise we'd be forced to care about them. There weren't any hurt people around, the ambulance had already come, so that point didn't need arguing, but still. Religion does awful things to people.


If my friend's dad dies, they have to shut down the school for 3 days and keep their home open for forty, so the upper caste people can come 'mourn'. It sounds nice, except the upper caste made up his custom as a way to check in on the lower castes and essentially to bankrupt them. They come into the house and snoop around and eat their food. The grieving families have to provide food for everyone that comes. These people take advantage of a horrible situation through theft and the depletion of valuable resources while the family is simply trying to bury its dead.

There's a strange perfection I've realized in all of this chaos. One single perfect note found amidst a horrible and clumsy chord. I was talking with my friend about life and death. He says we are feeling the same things and that I understand what he is dealing with. Death is not ok and never will be. It's a loss in the purest definition of the word. There is something that once made you whole, gone. My friend said that there are something akin to ghosts when people pass on. Not their physical forms or even spirits but their journey or path or life left unfinished that continues on and 'haunts' those left behind. He said that Meghan is happy and passed away peacefully because her path was entrusted to me. She knew I would continue on for her and was comforted and released by that. He kept asking me why not her brother or father or mother? The answer to those are that they didn't need it and I did. They are where they should be and don't need to find their 'key'. He said this path leads to the key, like Ali Babba's search for the key. All of this is true. His father is at peace because my friend has his path (fighting this system from the bottom up.) He knows he has to continue to get to that key. Meghan passed away peacefully. I was there, I watched it. My friend said that at the time of death they are closer to their god than the world and see things differently. They can understand things that we are unable to. Maybe this is true and maybe it isn't. Maybe more synapses are firing, maybe less, maybe different synapses are firing and people close to that time are more capable of experiencing more. Whatever the explanation, Meghan was at peace. I know it in the deepest part of my soul, I know it completely. And I believe my friend is right, she was peaceful because she knew we were all going to eventually be ok because of our paths, our direction and our eventual discovery of that either physical or metaphorical key.

I have heard and read about so many cultures that measure knowledge and wisdom in the number and severity of scars. They are all experiences that we learn from. India so far has been painful and difficult in so many different ways but each of it's tiny inflictions leave a permanent mark that will ultimately heal. These experiences are instantly jarring, but dissected and explained, or looked at from another perspective have much to offer.