It's hard for me to define if I'm making any progress or not. Meetings fall through, decisions aren't being made and I just feel tired all the time. I can't figure out a linear path for this project. It's
like every thought represents a line in my head and not single one is going in the same direction as another. Everything is infinitely more confusing than a month ago. I want to make this awesome for her. I want her to be proud. I want her to always be remembered and held in high regard.
I've decided to narrow down my approach to the service project. I'm
going to go to five places and spend three months at each location. I feel like
I'll be able to make more of an impact and better connections if I'm there for a substantial period of time. I've narrowed the countries/ areas down to Australia, India, Central/South America, Tanzania/ Kenya/ Rwanda area and Poland. I need to get in touch with actual schools, orphanages or farms, any project in these countries that needs assistance. Im looking to start putting the dates together and I need your help with finding people
that I can help. If you have connections in these countries, put me in touch with an actual person. I'd like to flesh these out so I can figure out a trip budget and more precise timeline for the trip.
Lastly, I'm worried that people aren't talking because they're afraid to. They don't know the "right" thing to say so they don't say anything. I need your help and communication. There is no right thing to say or feel, at all. None of this is right and it will never be right or just or OK that Meghan is gone. There will never be a right way to go about grieving for someone, no correct timeline, no correct magic word to make pain go away.
The five or ten or eighty steps to happiness or completion or whatever are complete garbage. You do things that make you feel better. You enjoy the good times when they happen and remember what it is about Meghan that makes you happy or feel stronger or better. Please, talk. Communicate. It doesn't matter
what you say as long as you are honest.
-Adam
5 comments:
Well said by a non-project manager. I think the first thing you have done is limited the scope and bounded the project. Makes good sense.
I like the idea of three months. That is a good span of time to get a sense of the environment and make some friends and spread the message and serve others.
i miss meghan. i want to go with you.
Adam,
I understand your frustrations. There is nothing more tormenting then to have such great and honest intentions and to be met with conflict and complacency. Unfortunately, there will be plenty of both. Your heart is guiding you, however it is guiding your emotions through a world of
"business". It seems impossible at times to reach that conclusion, to accept that whether people feel compassion will not always be of importance to your journey. In my experiences, the key is to not be frustrated by the obstacles but to be motivated by the connections that lead you forward. You are a brave man, and one we have all grown to be proud of, and I would wager to guess none more than Meghan. Believe in the energy that has started your process and embrace that. Never let go and never forget. There are those of us willing to take this journey with you and the community you build will ensure success. I know we missed the chance to get together thus far, but please, get in touch. Toronto is not far and we must be able to make it work. You are in my thoughts. I look forward to hearing from you, and Adam, stay positive...you are in this for all the right reasons. Patience will be your saviour...
Hi Adam
I know you only through your parents blog. That is how I heard about you and Meghan. I am saddened for your loss and encouraged by your desire and goals to do more for the communities that you live in.
Remember you are never alone. You are surrounded by family and friends that care about you and also by the Lord. Share your concerns with Him and He will guide your paths.
God Bless!
Hi,
Like many followers of this blog, I didn't know Meghan nor do I know you. I do know that, since I have started reading this blog and waiting impatiently to read Meghan's next posts, I was inspired, humbled and in complete awe of her positivity and humour.
I know what you are going through with your loss. I know all too well the void and the dreamlike state which now characterizes your days. I promise you, it does become more managable and there will be a time when you will laugh again and not feel pangs of guilt.
That all said, if you want to do work in Central America, please look into Wells of Hope (http://www.wellsofhope.com/wells%2007/table.htm). It is well organized and fits your 3 mo. plan.
All the best...
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